Using One's Time for Others

My mother once related a story to me about my older brother, who was preparing to propose to his girlfriend (now his wife). He had just a lingering bit of hesitancy because he “wasn’t sure if he was ready to give up the single life.” This seemed ridiculous to my mom, since she knew my brother wasn’t going around clubbing or having a wild time, but I understood immediately what he meant.

When you are single, you might have to work, but after that your time, your finances, and your life in general are your own. You can do whatever you want without reference to someone else. Once you get married, that changes. The time you spend dating someone doesn’t compare to the time you have to put into a marriage to make it work. It is no longer just your time, your money, or your life to live as you choose. Once you cease to be a bachelor, you cease having an ability to live a bachelor lifestyle.

What must be clearly emphasized is that while priests and religious remain unmarried, they cannot remain “spiritual” bachelors. There are many reasons priests and religious are called to celibacy, but one of the most practical relates to how they use their time. An earthly father must devote much of his “personal” (i.e. non-work) time to his family.

A parish priest has no clear demarcation between his work and his “family” because his family is the parish or community that he has been called to serve. Those called to holy orders should expect to have duties beyond a normal 40-hour work week precisely because they lack the obligations of a married man.

This is not to say that priests should be on 24-7, of course. Both spiritual and earthly fathers need breaks from time to time. But spiritual fatherhood is just as demanding, if not more, than earthly fatherhood. We’ll talk more about that next week.

Challenge: How jealous are you of your personal time and prerogatives? Resolve this week to let someone else’s needs cut in to a time you normally keep for yourself.