Honoring Our Parents - Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14

This Feast of the Holy Family, which we celebrate today, is one where we focus on the vocation that all of us have to family life. St John Paul II wrote about this in his letter entitled “Letter to Families”. In that letter he called every Christian to build a “civilization of love”, a civilization that starts with the building block of the family and reaches outward. Faithful families offer a witness of love that effects all people.
   
The Book of Sirach gets to the heart of biblical understanding of the family and the wisdom of God’s plan. It takes the 4th Commandment (Honor your father and mother) to higher level, explaining how this principle is foundational for a moral life, a life that ultimately honors God.

In Ephesians 6 we hear, “Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise.” And this is the promise: If you honor your father and mother, you will live a long life, full of blessing. There are two reasons why there is such an emphasis here on the word “honor”:

First, every parent is flawed. There are no perfect parents, and thus, we have no excuse to not honor the position, even if the person is flawed. The second is obvious: none of us would be alive if it were not for our parents. God chose them to be the tool to bring us into the world. Whether they were good or bad or indifferent is irrelevant. The fact is, God used them to make us unique, just as he designed us.

Psalm 139 says, “You knit me in my mother’s womb… and my days were shaped before I came to be.” The point is, God was there at the point of our conception. You and I are not an accident. There may be accidental parents but there are no accidental babies. Our parents may or may not have planned for us, but God certainly did. Each of us owe a debt of gratitude that God allowed our parents to give us life.

Now, we are called to honor our parents at all stages of life. We have one kind of relationship as a child. It then evolves as we become teenagers and young adults, and then yet another as we enter full adulthood. What does the scriptures say about these three stages of evolution?
 
As a child, we honor our parents by obeying them, by doing what they ask, by following instructions, willingly and cheerfully. Ephesians 6 says this about honoring parents: “Children, obey your parents; this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you.”

A key life skill that we carry through our lives is how we respond and relate to authority. And we teach our children as they grow up to distinguish between the person and the position (such as the role of parent). We all have experienced people in our lives that have authority over us that we aren’t particularly delighted to be around, but we must honor their position. So, children honor their parents by obeying them.

More challenging is the relationship between parents and teenage kids. Teenage kids and young adults honor their parents in two ways. The first way is outlined in Levitcus 19:3 “Each of you must respect your mother and father.” Respecting our parents doesn’t mean that we turn a blind eye to their weaknesses. In fact, as young adults, it becomes apparent to them that their parents are just as flawed as they are. In many cases, teens and young adults develop an expertise in seeing the shortcomings of their parents, right? What does it mean to respect one’s parents? It means that despite their flaws, their sons and daughters accept and forgive them because they know none of us are perfect. By accepting and forgiving, they develop both social and spiritual maturity.
                                                                 
The other way we honor our parents as a teen is by listening to them. Proverbs 13:1: “A wise son loves correction, but the senseless one heeds no rebuke.” In other words, young adults aren’t necessarily bound to follow their parents’ advice, but they are bound to listen to them respectfully. There will never be a time in our lives when we can be disrespectful of our parents, even if they are living the kind of life that you wouldn’t want to follow. Again from Proverbs, “Do what your father tells you (“your father’s bidding” is the actual wording) and never forget what your mother teaches you. Keep them fastened to your heart. Their instructions will lead you, protect you and advise you, and are like a lamp (in other words they guide you through the darkness); their corrections can teach you how to live.”

The third stage of relationship between us and our parents is where many of us reside, where we are adults and our parents are older adults. How do I honor my aging parents? Proverbs says, “When your mother is old, show her your appreciation.” When our moms and dads made the decision to have children, they made an unselfish decision, full of sacrifices. And yet, with the passage of time, as our parents get older, they may begin to feel like outcasts. Many of their supportive friends have died, the marketplace has little use for them, and their kids are now focusing on their own kids. They begin to feel like they’re on the sidelines, forgotten about and not getting the respect that they’re due.

If our parents are still living today, they have an intense need to know that they have made an impact on our lives. And we need to express our appreciation for them on a regular basis. How do we affirm our parents? The simplest way is to simply keep in touch. To honor them means that we recognize their significance. Anytime we call, email or simply show up, we are honoring them. Even if we reach out to them, and there’s not much going on in their lives, and our conversation is limited to recounting the mundane details of our lives, they are sure to value every minute of it. It makes them feel important, because they are still connected and they still matter.

So we honor our parents 1) when we are young by being obedient. 2) when as teenagers and young adults we give them proper respect and listen to them. And, 3) in adulthood, when we show our appreciation. In many ways, at the end of the day, the best we can do to honor our parents is to return the love that we have received from them (the three phases of life - learn, earn, and return).Drawing on another reference to Proverbs 23: “Give your parents joy. May she who gave you birth be happy!”

The “civilization of love” from St John Paul II that I began with is about living the life cycle of love that serves as a foundational building block of all society. If we think about it, the instruction manual that underpins this whole discussion on the family has been around a long time. It is the dispenser of all truth, the only truth, and has stood the test of time. This manual is, of course, the Bible. And, if you’ve been listening closely, you’ll note that, in addition to today’s readings, I’ve quoted 8 different scripture passages from various sources, all of them divinely inspired, and they all align to outline the truth about honoring our parents.

By contrast, the secular world, our culture, will tell us that there is no objective truth. What is true for one person may not be true for another. And in fact, when it comes down to it, the world stands in opposition to what the Bible says about most things, and particularly about honor, and the role that the family plays in being the foundation of society.

My wife and I are what is referred to as chord cutters. We did away with our cable and avoid most network television programs. The one exception that I make is in watching the Steelers and the NFL. It has been a long season and at times it’s been tough being a fan, though somehow the experts show that their probability of making the playoffs is unbelievably at 28%, so they are saying there’s a chance. But, I don’t know about you, but what’s been more irritating this season than the play on the field is having to endure the commercials.

There is one series of commercials for a company whose name I won’t mention that has as its theme, “Unbecoming your parents.” You might have seen them. It has a Dr Phil-type character named Dr Rick (not Deacon Rick, its Dr Rick). He is a life coach of sorts who essentially makes fun of people whose behaviors demonstrate that they are becoming their parents. At first, the commercials were kinda clever. I recall the commercial where the woman had too many throw pillows on the couch and he starts tossing them onto the floor saying, “If there are so many pillows on your couch that there’s no place to sit, you’ve got too many.” OK that was cute, but these commercials have been running now for 4 yrs, and at least for me, at the risk of sounding like a humorless bore, I’m a little tired of parents getting pummeled like this, and in many cases, what he is correcting are Christ-like behaviors!
                                                                                                            
An example: a guy affirms the good work of a grocery store employee by letting his manager know that he’s doing a good job, and Dr Rick yanks him away. A woman has an artsy sign hanging in her living room that says, “House rules: No fussin’, no cussin’, and no back-talking” and Dr Rick throws it in the trash. And similar examples as these go on and on and on.

The work of pushing back against a culture that ever so slowly and progressively chips away at biblical values and the very foundational principals of our faith is not for the faint of heart. The Western culture is really the only culture in the world that, for the most part, does not have a special reverence for the elderly, and to some extent, is hostile toward parents and other mentors… Our commitment to our families, and honoring our parents at all stages of life must be steadfast.

Those of us who have lost parents, and those of us in ministry who deal with death and dying regularly have an acute awareness of how precious our family relationships are and how they are the foundation of our society and how they help to build the kingdom here on earth.

And so we pray today for all families. Dear Lord, none of us have had perfect moms and dads, but we honor them today because they gave us life according to your plan. We pray for those who have strained relationships, those struggling with blending families and for those who mourn. And we pray in thanksgiving for those who put their families first and perpetuate life. May we never lose sight of your love for us as our Father, who guides us and cares for us each and every day. 

Amen!