Children

Last week we spoke about the role children play in our journey of discipleship and our growth in self-giving love—at least, for those with a vocation to marriage. In our individualistic culture, which values autonomy over almost everything else, it’s a hard sell to get someone to commit to loving one other person unconditionally and sacrificially, but being “in love” with that person can serve as a motivating factor.

Children test us further because, unlike in a healthy marriage of mutual self-giving, our kids can’t really give that much back to us, particularly early on. Still, we have assistance in the form of hormones and other biological factors to bond us to our children, even when they are driving us insane.

But aside from those who are welcomed into the marriage after the wedding, there is also the family that exists before the wedding. Regardless of our vocation, we have family ties to our parents, siblings, and cousins; after marriage, we now have those ties with our spouse’s parents, siblings, and cousins, with whatever relations that existed before the wedding being carried forward. Every marriage partner is a package deal, and failing to account for pre-existing family ties can rupture marriages.

We of course live in an era of profound family dysfunction, with divorce and illegitimacy rates that leave deep wounds in our relationships. I would be foolish not to acknowledge that toxic relationships exist within families; sometimes the only options we have are to cut people off. But much of what we classify as “toxic” in relationships these days is really just “annoying” or “difficult.” Sometimes God calls us to love annoying people, because He loves them. Sometimes our spouse does the same.

Challenge: Think of some difficult relationships you have within your family. Aside from prayer (and do pray), what’s one thing you can do to ease the tension of the relationship?