The Healing Power of Marriage - Mark 1:40-45

The most painful wounds that we carry with us are more the wounds of the spirit than that of the body. Of these spiritual wounds, the one that causes us most pain is the belief that we are insignificant, that we don’t matter. In the Gospel, Jesus provides this leper with assurance (I will do it) and healing (be made clean). So, I’d like to talk a little about healing today.

I’ll start by offering a quick quiz of sorts. Think of the first answer that comes to your mind to these questions:
 

1. Who knows you better than anyone else?
2. Who has seen you at your absolute worst?
3. Who knows your darkest secrets?
4. Who knows your worst character traits?
5. Who do you want a hug from when you are feeling down?

Does anyone in particular come to mind? Here’s one more question:
 

6. Who has the greatest power to help you heal from life’s emotional, relational and even spiritual struggles?

While some may waffle a bit with the answer to these questions, others, especially during this World Marriage Weekend, would list one person as the answer to all these questions. That would be their spouse.

Now, it is understood here that hearing a homily that swerves into the subject of marriage is challenging for some to endure for a variety of reasons: divorce, death of a spouse or a vocation that doesn’t include a spouse. But none the less, I think that we can all agree that God uses the relationships in our lives as a healing agent, a balm that can soothe some of the hurts and rough edges and scars that we experience in life.
                                                                                                                                   
Even in the worst of times in our relationships, we all long to be understood and accepted, to be made whole, and that we matter. And one of the ways that God sends healing to us is through the aid of that one person here on earth who knows us the best. It is God that ultimately does the healing, but a good marriage is one of his very best tools.

One might say, wait a minute. Isn’t a person’s spouse the one person that we’re more likely to argue with more than anyone else? Are there not times of intense conflict? Aren’t there instances where we see spouses who feel uncomfortable with sharing sufficiently? And in these times marked by self-sufficiency, isn’t keeping some distance a healthy thing?

In spite of the times that we live in and the bumps in the road that we face, and maybe even because of all those difficulties, the great news is that our spouses are the ones that God has given us to be a helpmate. More than any other person on the planet, our spouses have the potential to bring healing to us and in our relationship with them.

Shortly after God created the heavens and the earth, he placed man in the garden that he had planted, luxurious and beautiful in every way. Yet, in spite of all the abundance, something was missing. 

God says in Genesis, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him." Enjoying the garden, yet incredibly lonely, one can imagine Adam being pretty excited about this new addition to creation.

But we know this to be true—humankind has not always lived in harmony. People have tended to struggle and battle with each other. Still, God's goal for man and wife was they would help each other, defer to each other in love, and build each other up. Marriage was the place designed for great things to happen. Let's look a little bit closer at the potential healing power of marriage – Here’s four items:

First, marriage is the place where we can be transparent. Marriage is the place we can put down the heavy weight of our façade. We can be comfortable with being no more than we are, a great antidote to life's stresses. Our mates offer us the opportunity to be fully known, fully understood and fully accepted, and these make for powerful healing.

Second, marriage is the place where we can be vulnerable. Here, with the person who knows us better than anyone else, we can share our worst fears, deepest insecurities and our most challenging struggles. Marriage, when functioning as God intended, is the safest place for us to share our most vulnerable self—and this is powerful healing.

Third, marriage is the place where we share in the assurances of a covenant. St. Paul teaches that marriage is a pre-eminent symbol of the covenant which Christ has with his people. This is because marriage is a commitment by which spouses pledge to each other all aspects of their lives "until death do us part." How assuring that is!

In one of the early scenes in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”, George Bailey’s future wife Mary delivers what I think is one of the great lines while sitting with him at the soda shop. She leans over and whispers in his ear, “George Bailey, I will love you for the rest of your life.”

No matter the tumultuous journey that lay ahead for George and Mary, it was that commitment to each other that sustained them through all of it. Marriage is the one place where all of our foibles and personality issues and misfortune can be exposed and laid bare, but through an unwavering commitment to work through it together (for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer), remarkable healing can occur.

Fourth, marriage is the place where we can offer encouragement to a needy person—our mate. Scripture challenges us to encourage others with the encouragement and comfort we have received.  We are to bear one another's burdens. For many of us, the closest mission field in that regard is as close as our home. Are we fully aware of our spouse’s needs? All of us need encouragement and comfort in times of sickness and in health. It’s a beautiful thing when we witness this among couples.
 
To that point, I have a visual of this in my mind of a scene from about a year ago. I was scheduled to do a Mass at St Sebastian Church and arrived early to the parking lot. I was parked alongside another car containing a couple who were likely in their 80’s. They similarly arrived early but needed the extra time since it was as icy and cold as it is today and they/we were parked in the upper section of the lot, quite a distance from the church.

I kept a careful eye on them as they slowly got out of the car from their respective sides and slowly inched their way to the front side of the car where they came together. The husband slowly extended his right elbow out to his side leaving just enough room for the wife to seamlessly tuck her left arm snuggly inside the crook of his elbow.  I had the sense that on their own, without each other’s assistance, they were quite unsure of their footing, but once together, arm in arm. They were a confident duo. They were good to go.
                                                                                                               
In their younger years, I’m sure this couple had many memorable, noteworthy experiences – vacations, personal achievements – you name it. They may have experienced every last bucket list item that they could ever think of. But the thought occurred to me, and this truth gets lost on so many people in our culture, it’s in these most seemingly mundane moments of support and care for each other that we find real meaning in our lives, real healing, and real joy.


Marriage is that place where we can be transparent, where we can be vulnerable, where we have the assurances of a covenant, and is the one place where we are uniquely positioned to be able to deliver support and encouragement to the person who needs it the most, our spouse.

Many see marriage as a place to cope or to endure or to struggle, when in reality it can be a place of powerful healing. What if, instead of thinking of our marriages as being a place of duty, strife, conflict, or boredom, we determined for it to be a place of healing?

What if instead of seeking more from our mates, we consider giving more? What if instead of resenting the demands placed upon us from our mates, we considered our marriages to be a mission field, and opportunity to offer the healing presence of God? We have a choice about whether we allow our marriages to be God’s vehicle of healing in our lives or not. When Jesus talks about meeting the needs of "the least of these," perhaps he is talking about, or including, that person to whom we said years ago – “I do”.

And so we pray, dear Jesus, you are the divine physician. You heal the wounds of us all. Help us to be better agents of healing in our own respective mission fields. For those of us who are married, help us to be more transparent, be more vulnerable, be more observant of the covenant that we committed to, and be more attentive of the needs of the one who needs us the most. Guide us in our journey that we make together, arm in arm as we live out our ultimate shared mission, to get each other to heaven.

For your glory, in honor of your purposes, and according to your will we pray…Amen!